FYI

People tell me that I'm this or that and that I really shouldn't be those ways but at the end of the day I do the things I do, react the way that I react, and etc because people are truly full of shit. I don't trust people because people aren't trustworthy. People come with a lot of "but". For example, _______ (insert name) is really sweet but their ________ (insert contradicting quality here).

Old Honesty box reply

I was asked why views on marriage are the way they are:

"Well once I moved on from Donte I was never really sure about marriage after that. I questioned my entire existence. I questioned whether what I wanted was truly what I wanted or what he wanted. W/o him I didn't know anything, didn't want anything. That's why I feel so strongly about people being so dependent on their partners. I have been there and reality is it may not last forever. So when it's over you still have to have yourself. Finally, I have my own views and opinions which is why I am so big on someone accepting me for me and not changing for anyone, except myself.

I feel like marriage is just like other titles people put on relationships...a bunch of bullshit unless your mind is there and your words and action are in accordance. People are married but have affairs and etc so what does the piece of paper really mean? If I ever do decide to get married it will be a business decision to do so-so me and my family can have security. The person however will be someone I love very much, have learned to live with, and can see myself building a family with.

I honestly don't want to bring children into the mix if I'm not married or with someone I am committed to spending the rest of my life with. I honestly feel like two people raising a family have a hell of a lot better chance at the kids experiencing more positive experiences than just one person.

When I got with Ahryn I was happy with the going with the flow, traveling, more fun little drama, and then I got serious and started thinking about my future. Fun and going with the flow was fun but at the end of the day I realized that I was headed to a place where I needed stability and someone who was headed toward spending a great deal of their life with me.

At the end of the day I feel that marriage and children don't guarantee a relationship. The two people in it do. Either you want to make the choice to spend your life with someone or you make the choice not to.

I watched so many people in my life settle for what society tells them is happiness. Well I determine my happiness..."

The other day...

You ever have one of those moments where you realized foreal foreal that you were over something or that all these things that people consistently said that you weren't over, you were in fact over? I had one of those moments last night.

I'm happy to say that regardless of what outside people think, I wanna be with the young woman that I'm with NOT the guy I was with a year ago.

Live, Love, Trust

Frustration

I'm really frustrated. I'm one of those people who works really hard at the things that I pursue. Attending a traditionally white institution has taught me very valuable but fucked up things about the world that we live in. 

My good friend Cyrus wrote an article about the definition of the term racist. Interesting, I know right? Yes it was very interesting. He pointed out that he himself is a racist by his definition, which is that anyone who doesn't actively fight against injustices and fight for equal treatment of people (generally minorities) is indeed a racist. That definition (in my mind) incorporates majority being racist towards minorities, minorities being racist towards the majority, and minorities being racist toward minorities. In response to this eloquent article people chose to talk about religion and our bi-racial president! What the fuck does racism have to do with the President of the United States (America elected unlike George Bush who cheated his way to the fucking seat!) and religion? Someone please tell me why people come to college and want to remain ignorant or closed-minded. I really need to know. 

I need someone to tell me why the people who think that they are adhering to nondiscrimination clauses THINK that they truly are when in fact they aren't. I have done many things on this campus that are positive and scholarly. I give 110% of professionalism and effort but I have yet to be promoted or even considered for a higher position in any of my jobs. Granted these are nine to five jobs as desk workers or student assistant positions BUT is this what I have to look forward to when I go into my career? Am I going to be the BEST apple out of the bunch and get looked over because I'm a woman that is Black? Am I going to be in and out of the Affirmative Action office because someone has said or done something offensive towards me? If so that's the BIGGEST load of shit I have ever heard in my life. 

It hurts me to think that even the people that I have a great deal of respect for are people who fit either situation. Everyone thinks I'm cold or whatever because I feel as though I don't need people. But that's my truth. I don't need anyone. Yes I prefer to have people in my life but sometimes people are expendable (in a sense) just like objects and other things. They can be just as deadly and toxic as smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. I was born in a  singular birth and when I am laid to rest I will rest the same way. There will be no husband or wife beside me. When I go I'm going alone which is how I think it should be.

NOTE: This is raw emotion. The emotion in a specific point in time. There was no editing or proofreading just me putting all I had in a word document. Enjoy.

Sincerely,

Kindness

Just maybe

Get to know me: If you got to know me you would see what people who have known me for nine years or more can see. See that as much as I am bitchy, mean, spoiled, stubborn and prideful I am genuine, giving, sweet, and loyal three times over. If you knew me you'd know that I don't say things out of spite or out having extreme pride. I say what I say because that's what I mean and no I don't tend to elaborate on things but that isn't an open for you to speculate. If you knew me you'd know that I am open to communication about the things that I express. Yes I expect for people to understand me the first time but I am well aware that people don't which is why I am open to communicate about the ideas that I express. It is not up to me, the person with the brick walls up as guards, to break down those walls. If you cared enough you would pull for more information. It's a test of the strong not the weak. You either want to understand me or you don't either way I am going to live and be well. Relying on your intuition to tell you things about me is absurd; they're your instincts they only tell you what you already want to believe about a given situation. Relying on others to tell you things about me is ridiculous, no one is the best teacher or ALL things Kayana but ME.

New Trials and Tribulations

When I first began dating, I was never that girl to rule out girls as mates because of the stigma that comes with homosexuality and bisexuality. But I did always say that for me sex with a girl would not be something I would struggle with it would be dealing with another girl in a relationship. I knew that they both existed and that I was intrigued by other girls. At the same time I loved boys...always had one. And when I didn't have one I was getting over that one so I could be ready for the next one.

I clearly know that I am a very difficult person to deal with as a girl. I'm spoiled, I can be needy, I can have the most unpleasant attitude, and I can get very emotional. I knew early on that all of that was not something that I wanted to deal with. Then I met my girlfriend. She was so sweet and everything that I never thought another girl could never be for me: Smart, accepting, non-judgmental, gorgeous and... The first girl to ever make me rethink my previous thoughts about relationships with girls. Because I reconsidered my assumption I figured why not take the chance to see where this might lead me exactly. Maybe I could in fact be in a relationship with a woman and be happy or maybe from this I would learn that another woman couldn't make me happy. Either way I went, it was a win win for me.

Well I am about about a month or two into my relationship and things are kinda hard for me. I don't know if it's myself preventing me from progressing or if this is just something that I truly don't have the capacity to fulfill.

I am no stranger to giving up on relationships and people when things aren't what I have in my mind as being "right". Because of this I have feelings of sadness when I think about someone I dated a few years ago. Recognizing this I try to go into my relationships with a certain attitude and state of mind. I give my all, go in full force, and I am determined to be "successful" so that when it's over and the dust settles I know I made the most out of the relationship.

A few days ago I was there, at the point where I was ready to walk away. Things were not where I wanted them to be and they didn't look like they were getting any better. Then I rethought about everything and the things I could do to contribute to better our relationship and came up with a few things to try and make a more conscious effort to make our relationship work.

We will see how things go and progress...and evolve. But hopefully we can get it together because I really want to take this as far as it can go.

Full Force

I can't predict the future. I can't promise I'm going to feel one way or another. All I can promise is that in this moment I'm here, with both feet in. I have nothing to lose only things to gain.

I just wanna be successful

When I say I wanna be successful I mean successful in my current relationship. Success defined by growth as people, learning something new about ourselves as individuals, and a friendship that will last forever whether we are together forever or just for the moment. A relationship full of love, trust, and enjoying each others mind, body and soul.

It's kinda difficult to have all of that when the person you're with is too independent. When they can't open up and trust you with their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Too independent to collaborate with you in decision makings. Independence is an awesome thing. I don't want a partner who is incapable of having some sort of independence nor do I want someone who lacks the ability to depend on me.

Everybody has their hang ups, insecurities, and secrets but why take a half chance at love? Why enter into something with someone and remain guarded?

Very Accurate...

Scorpio woman profile - personality traits & characteristics

Mysterious, passionate and self confident, the Scorpio woman will know all your secrets before you know much, if anything, about her. What she doesn’t learn from you directly she’ll pick up from reading between the lines, and before you know it you’ll realize she’s in control of the relationship, all without seemingly lifting a finger.

Scorpios love emotional intensity in all forms, and have enormous inner strength to handle anything they may find. Good, bad or ugly they savor emotions, and in many ways are the most 'human' of all the zodiac signs for doing so. Highly jealous, intuitive, mysterious, obsessive and compulsive. This is a powerful sign; dark, moody, 'real', and infinitely sexy.

Uninterested in the shallow or superficial, your Scorpio woman will have an immense curiosity, so if you have secrets to hide then you're best off steering well clear, as she loves both keeping and uncovering secrets.

Scorpios are very skilled at relating to others, and as such can be very good friends and emotional healers. It’s a one way mirror however; highly secretive, covert and subtle; she will prefer to not let others see what’s really going on inside herself.
scorpio women

To go off at a slight tangent for a moment, it's interesting to note that the scorpion is unique among the other zodiac animals in many ways aside of the obvious poison/sting. For example, it's capable of killing itself in preference to being killed, is nocturnal, photophobic (a 'sixth sense' used by spiders etc to avoid predators - they pick up on the tiniest changes in light and dark to detect movement before they can see it), they also shed their skin multiple times in a life cycle. All of these have direct parallels with Scorpio behavior and personality.
Scorpio woman as a lover

This is a woman who will expect to give and receive 100%, and have a personal skill set ideally suited to making sure that happens. If you aren’t ready to commit to someone on that level then this sign may be best avoided. On the other hand if you want a sensual lover who wants your body and soul and isn’t afraid of what they may find then these are the ultimate.

Due to this, Scorpios are more likely to have relatively few, but highly intense relationships. She is beyond loyal, and will do anything to protect those she loves. The flip side of this is the near legendary Scorpio vindictiveness; ‘forgive and forget’ doesn’t apply to Scorpios.

Almost inconsistently, your Scorpio woman will want more personal space than many signs do. This is partly due to her private nature, and partly because every experience must be carefully analyzed and the precious emotions absorbed and savored.

Scorpio woman sexuality

You can call Scorpio women many things, but prudish will never be one of them. They exude sexuality, have healthy imaginations and aren’t afraid of experimenting. Scorpio rules sex and death, and like many other aspects of Scorpio compatibility they face both head on. The only possible negative is a potential censoring of feedback, so you may not always know exactly what they like or dislike. As with other areas where Scorpios appear secretive this is partly to keep a 'clean page' upon which to maximize and enjoy their partners emotions.
Scorpio women gift Ideas

You can’t go wrong with either a musky perfume, or sexy lingerie. Jewelry is less likely to impress your Scorpio woman, as she knows she doesn’t need it in the same way that other women do. On behalf of all red blooded males I'd really urge you to stick to the lingerie!

Guess What? It's true

From a post on Thursday, January 15, 2009

Quick Udpate

"I finally feel at peace with the change in my relationship with him. We aren't beefed out but we don't talk. I'm very comfortable with that. I realized I never really had time for that relationship to begin with but I made time and sacrificed time for other things and people because I wanted that relationship to work. When I still wanted that but the rules had changed I struggled with finding a comfortable place because things had gone from one extreme to the next. I had a dream about him being happy in another relationship. Surprisingly there was no jealousy, anger, regret, or even sadness. I was happy for him, he had found everything he wanted in a woman. I took a look at the situation, while still in the situation, and examined if I was being a false self or did I genuinely feel happy for him and what I so wanted him to find in me he had found in someone else (Dooley, I understood something from class lol). And I was. Just like that. It took a few months and a dream to put things into perspective for me."

It's true. He is in fact in a relationship and there was also no "jealousy, anger, regret, or even sadness". We talk a little more often now, I guess the presence of a relationship on both ends evens the playing field. It's good to have moved passed the point of regret and sadness but I will say from time to time I do let my thoughts wonder about what the future does or does not hold.

New Beginnings

School is over! Not surprising tho I feel uber restless. I need to be doing something. I can't just relax and enjoy not having something to do...I need to get over that, QUICKLY! I find myslef being sorta productive. I have created a budget, priced the things that I would like to accumulate over the summer, entered my survey into surveymonkey, and placed my room in as much order as it could possibly have.

On today's agenda: organize graduate schools and narrow my choices, make a calendar schedule for the summer, organize supplies for my door decorations, sketch what I want them to look like, and run a few needed errands :).

I do report that I earned a 3.4 g.p.a this semester. Next semester I'm shooting for all A's and with 18 credit hours we will see if I can pull it off! I'm feeling antsy and the urge to be productive so with this I'm done: This summer I plan to explore who I am and stretch myself to the limit- LIVE, LOVE, TRUST!

It's been a minute...

Sometimes I wish I lived alone. Waking up to only my gorgeous face in the morning. Being able to pee with the bathroom door open. Walking around naked. Being able to get in the bathroom when you are ready, on your own time, and not have to be worried about not having the amount of time you want to get ready. Cleaning up the way you feel it should be done and how often you feel it should be done. It's way less stressful. I'm much happier when things are in their place and I can come and go as I please without interruption. I hate always wondering about what someone else has planned so that it doesn't coincide with what I have going on. This year (school year), has been one of the most stressful ones but you live and you learn. So next year I will be better prepared and my last year here at CMU will hopefully run really smoothly. But if not I guess I will just continue to find things to do outside my room or find other places to hang out.

This summer will be hella interesting though. Living with someone I have feelings for (put whatever title on the relationship you want) lol. Four months of seeing the same face when you wake up and going to sleep to the same breathing pattern (sounds creepy I know) lol. But I look forward to it. A bottle of new experiences for the two of us. I'll shock the world I'm sure lol. Still haven't talked to my mom yet about it but I'm sure she will say what she says about most things I tell her, "You are young and you have to live your life for you. No one can judge your happiness because you have to live with the decisions you make in this world. I love you and if this is what you are choosing to do I will support you and your decision." I'm sure I'll get some this is a phase mumbo jumbo but who really knows what this is for me. Hell I don't even know!

Hopefully this summer will be more productive than the last lol. I want to get all of my MA stuff done (or at least on paper/my laptop), figure out which schools I want to apply to and do the personal statements and applications, request my transcripts in advance so they are free, and figure out who I want to write me recommendation letters and for which schools. I plan to be very busy doing things that will help lessen the stress I have to feel when the fall starts. I want to read some books as well and build up a nice savings account so I can travel over Christmas break and go to Dinah Shore weekend next April! My time is up now, gotta get back to this busy ass life of mine. Hopefully I won't be away for too long but once the semester is over with I will have more time to write.

Cold Turkey

It sucks when you are in the same room as someone or even worse they are sitting next to you and you miss them. I learned in my development of self class that people do what they need to do to protect and maintain their healthy sense of self and I think that is how I can let people go so easily or just stop seeing someone/depriving myself cold turkey. Being close to someone and sharing something with them for an elongated period of time it gets hard to be something different. It's hard hearing about them and other people or them moving on. I have seen people hold on to people, calling their after the break up relationship a friendship, when in reality their holding on to hope that they will one day be back to being in a relationship. I have done that. I have been that "friend". I have been girlfriend number 2 after being girlfriend number 1. That person wants you and you want them but one or both of you are somewhere else straddling the fence. Wanting to move on but too scared to take the chance with someone else or just knowing that you won't settle for what their dishing out. I will admit that it's hard to get to me. It's hard for me to let people in but when I know I want to see where something can go I put my best foot forward and no one can expect me to open up completely overnight. But you can expect some progression :) over time. I don't really know what else to say but I am straddling the fence...somewhere between regret that things ever went as far as they did and sadness that things aren't the way they once were.

Affirmation: I know ME

I realized I know me. I'm selfish. I'm selfish about the people I want and who they spend time with lol. I guess that's why I have to be a priority because I don't like for others to recieve the attention that I recieve. I have a jealous flare when I'm aware of time being spent elsewhere, lol. It's funny because I never worry about someone taking them or anything like that I just don't like the fact that someone is experiencing the person's awesomeness. What can I say I want it all to myself lol. I hope that I one day grow out of these things but it's highly unlikely lol. But you never know, shit happens. People have always told me that I want too much. I want my cake and I want to eat it too :). Tis is true I really want it all but I'm willing to give all I have so I think it's all fair {smile}. You gotta love me tho :) or hate me.

RANDOM facts of yours truly: (UPDATED 3/18/09)

1) I'm really strong emotionally. Stronger than most women are. Some people can't handle it. I embrace it, it gives me something to offer people that they can't get from the next woman.

2) I can be really mean. I'm really giving and I can be a sweetheart but I'm mean as hell. I need someone who can handle that. It's a lot for people to take. Especially when I'm hurt or my feelings are. Most times I'm rational but sometimes people just get out of control with their shit & I have to be "mean lady" as Mike calls me.

3) I have de ja vu often. I had it immediately before I started this random fact lol.

4) I will always be the girl from Detroit but I will also always be the young woman from Mount Pleasant...

5) Single forever or to settle with someone/something mediocre (I'll take single forever for $200 please lmao)

6) I CAN'T trust anyone

7) I'm growning my hair back out! I miss my longer healthy hair. I have done enough exploration and I loved my long hair. The short hair is cool and convienent but I'm over it. Back to ME :)

8) Loves him & her- tug-a-war; He's simple, fun, and can take all of me. She's delicate, sweet, but can't take all of me.

9) I'm working on my body. I love it already but to get the tattoo I want where I want it I want to be in better shape. And I really want that tattoo. Only problem is I LOVE TO EAT everything that's bad for me lol. But I'm working on my eating habits.

10) My personal appearance is very important to me. How people see me plays a lot into my mannerisms and the fact that I am a Lady. I don't like public drama. I only fight when necessary and I have almost always spoken with as little slang as possible. Even in sweatpants and a t-shirt I like to look put together (I don't iron my clothes tho unles ABSOLUTELY necessary lol). I shower daily if not twice a day. I shave my pits weeekly and my legs weekly in the summer lmao. All this to be gorgeous...damn tiring I know.

11) My writing is something I hold very close to my heart. If I share my writing with you 1:1 then you've reached a place where others wish they have.

12) This school year is going to be one of the most memorable ones for several reasons. But I can't wait until May. I get a four month break from faking the funk with so many people. YES! YAY! Yippey! (see how excited I am). But no seriously I can't wait!

13) I think that women are beautiful but men just do it for me. I have to have a filter when dealing with so many other people on a daily basis that I don't want to have to walk on eggshells in my relationship. Or have to worry about them taking something too personal that I say. I want fun and continous laughter with little petty drama or drama in general. But back to number 5 lol...Single forever. Surrounded by my niece, nephew, and cousins! You know Kay loves the kids lol.

14) I'm nervous about this summer. I hope everything pans out the way I would like it to. I get a job that allows me to stay on campus and use my stipend to pay this debt off and buy me a few nice things :).

15) My main focus is doing what I need to do to get into graduate school on someone else's dime :) That way I can get a nice car and bank some money or pay back some school loans.

16) Next year as a MA my goals are to learn all my residents name, take all my nights out, and have a successful liason program. This summer is going to be a busy summer whew!

17) I like my new look: wearing makeup some times and dressing more dressy/casual; I hope to start building this AWESOME make up collection lol. I'm such a girl lol.

18)I am giving up fast food and pop. I will no longer buy either. Pop is free game in the school cafe tho lol. So far so good four days and counting lmao!

19) I had my heart broke this year and it's only March 18th lmao. It's not funny but you make the best out the things put in front of you. Maybe a genuine friendship can still be there. Who knows tho. Everyone isn't as strong as me :(

20) Live, Love, Trust...If you're not loving you're not living and how can you truly love without trusting? This (live love trust) is what I wanted tatted on my side! LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote!

22) I tolerate a lot of people because I have to. I don't really like them but I have to deal with them so I do.

23) I love my Sis Rhiannon. She has never left my side and she is always there to catch me when I fall. She is everything that I want in a person. She's smart, political, she is logical, she is confident, strong-willed, she is a person you strive to want to be like. A person to look up to. If she wasn't my Sis I would wife her up :)

Pandora quickmix II

Nice & Slow by Usher

This was my little cousin T.J's shit lol. He was only like 3 or 4 (Idk he was a short kid so he always looked younger than he actually was)-that was rude lol. We have him on video tape singing and doing the Usher moves lol. Kids do and say the darnest things smh. Still on the fence if I want to bore any of them. Who knows, if I get married to a handsome, thoughtful, and overall great dark skin guy I will pop out a few brown skin babies! HA!


Lost Without You by Robin Thicke

Love love love this song :). I have been talking to my ex more frequently and I must admit life without him is different. I love those around me and I appreciate them for being there for me when I was at my lowest points and now when I am not at my lowest but certainly not at my highest point, but I miss when things just were simple.


Video by India Arie

This explains how I feel about myself to a tee: "I'm not the average girl, I'm not built like a supermodel but I love to love myself unconditionally". I've learned that the only way I can be loved the way I want to loved is to love myself that way. I don't trip about people only giving me what they can of themselves. I love to love. And every time I love it is well worth it to me. To bring someone the greatest gift of all is very rewarding to me.


Miss Independent by Ne-yo

I love being independent. I don't like to need people for anything, whether it's a ride, gas money, feeding me, clothing me, or etc. I love to see when people maintain their independence in partner relationships. Always spending time with only that person is a sure way to become dependent on them in all aspects of life. I fear living with a partner and even marriage. I know you are supposed to have some independence but isn't the reason for getting married to not be "one" anymore {???} Something to think about before I jump the broom...


Buy You a Drink by T-Pain ft Yung Jock

The summer I met Ahryn this was hott. We couldn't get in the car to go anywhere without hearing this song at least twice lol. My goal next time I'm at the club is to buy a bitch a drink lmao! HA!


True Love by Faith Evans

Oh Donte, my first love. He's a charachter. He claims he loves me but when I turn to him for anything it's always an excuse. Kinda like it was when we were together. I want someone who won't question me when I come to them. Fore I always have the best intentions. Trust me to trust that I have no other way of getting what I am asking of you. Trust that because my pride doesn't allow me to ask of others what is not a necessity! I miss feeling like all I needed or ever wanted in a partner was right there in ONE person...


Never Love Again by Anthony Hamilton

Never heard this song before...But I do miss the feeling of being loved...I am loved but that feeling I know all to well is not there. Maybe I've out grown that giddy feeling. The school girl crush feeling. That rush of excitement when you see a person. Or maybe the drama of everything masks those feelings. Love is an action...this I know. My actions refelct my love for people. But I miss that feeling..


How You Gonna Act Like That by Tyrese

I remember these days. Everything is good until conflict arises and the first thing people think to do is to walk away. Maybe not physically but emotionally they leave to figure out the relationship issues. A relationship involves 2 people so together maybe the problems should be worked out. If I wanted to solve problems alone I would be single. If you wanted to only consider yourself then maybe you shouldn't pursue a relationship. I only like fighting about stupid stuff because it gives a resaon to have make up sex lmao.


DJ Play a Love Song by Jamie Foxx

This song is my shit! Again I wanna go to the club, slow dance all night and then go home to make sweet music all night! I think I must be horny lmao. It's been way too long...VI months! "beat it beat! Play this song for me"


So Sick by Ne-Yo

I could never get sick of lovesongs. Once I'm finished with one relationship I' m getting myself ready for the next one! Luckily for me my relationships last for at least 2 years or more lol


Why by Mario

This is the question of the day...I just want to know why? You say you want x, y, & z but you're not doing everything you need to do to achieve it :( "Why are you still here?" That really sucks because there is so much potential there. Just prove me or should I say my past wrong.


Where my Girls at by 702

I love 702. I might have to create me a 702 playlist lol. I miss my girls. I'm glad I got a chance to hang out with them and spend some quality time with them.

Sidenote: You never learn EVERY holiday unless you live on campus in the residence halls. If I see one more green outfit lol. I'm wearing pink and blue lol. It's St Patricks day and these kids are gonna use that as an excuse to get drunk as hell! SMH


Say It by T-Pain

I wish you would just talk to ME. Not to yourself or somebody else. I should be the first to know not the second from someone else.
On a more postive tip lol. I think it's sexy when people make me ask for what I want them to do to me :-). The art of pleasure "girl I want you to enjoy yourself." lol.


So Gone by Monica

I am beginning to question what I put into relationships with people. I cut a few people off. Somethings and people are just harder to let go of than others. Sometimes the people we like or love aren't apart of our forever :( but everything happens for a reason and everything has it's season


I Wish I Wasn't by Heather Headley

I love this song :) "Why you wanna hurt me so bad? I believed in you that's why I am so mad. I'm drowned in disappointment, and that's why it's hard for me to even look at you. I wish that I could go back to the day before we met, and steal my regret."


Teach ME by Musiq

I can teach you, you just gotta be willing to open your eyes, ears and heart to recieve it all. Be willing to do things you have never done to get what you never had! Trust me and it will all be worth it no matter what the outcome :) Give me a couple years of your time and I got you lmao


Flaws and All by Beyonce'

I love not knowing why you love me :0. "I am a peasant by some standards but in your eyes I'm a Queen. You see potential in all my flaws and that's exactly what I mean. I don't know why you love me."

Spring Break

I had an awesome spring break. For once I wasn't overdue to return home (CMU). I didn't get much sleep but I'm young and I can sleep when I'm old or dead lmao. I hung out with my three closest friends who still live in Detroit, Tony, Reka, & Rhi. I got to meet the parents of one of my more recent close friends. Overall I had an awesome break. I learned a good deal about myself, my family, and my relationships with various people.

I learned that I am more like my family than I actually like to admit. I truly do have it honest from both sides, mom and dad. From my independent nature and pride, my craving for solitude and order, and my mean streak to my loving nature, giving heart, my passion for my beliefs, and my physical make up- I get those things from both my parents. Over the week full of interaction with various memebers of my family I noticed that because we all are a product of our environment we have a similar "hood" mentality. We all won't hesitate to resort to physical violence when pushed and we like to surround ourselves with what we know best...the hood and everything in it. Here's where I get lost and venture into my own path: I went away to a four year University, I want more for myself than a nine to five that I hate or do just because it has great pay, and I choose to keep opening my mind to new things and experiences. I feel like to them being stagnant is acceptable. Being ignorant is valued.

Last summer I took a HEV class and my prof said that when she returns home to visit family she leaves her Ph.D at school. I think that was about the only thing I took from her class. I try to leave my education at school when I return to my hometown. It's hard tho. I don't dumb down and try to fit in but I am not aggressive in having educational conversations about diversity with those around me. It's hard to be criticized by family about the change in my appearance, my speech, accent, and etc. I go to a majority white school and automatically any change that people from back home see is the result of "them white people" that I am surounded by when away at school.

I was with my brother on 2 occassions and he made statements about the way I talk and the way I dress. The first time he made a statement about me "sounding white". I began to explain to him that you can not "talk or sound white". He laughed and stuck to his guns about my accent and enounciation of words. I think that he failed to realize that before I went to college I was not the slang talking, neck rolling, black girl from the hood lol. I have always taken pride in the manner in which I present myself, appearance and speech. The second time he said that I even dressed white and called me an "Uncle Tom". Now being called an "Uncle Tom" is pretty offensive. But I laughed at his ignorance and firmly told him that I wasn't an "Uncle Tom" and the way that I speak and the words I choose not to say are the resort of me being in college for 4 years not the white people that attend the school with me.

On a different day a couple of my friends stated that I rock "white girl" hairstyles. I laughed at this because for one my hair was in one of the most ethnic styles I could think of, a curly afro. Later once I thought about this and the encounters with my brother and I began to feel really sad and disappointed that people attribute my change to other people instead of my own personal self. I expected better. I expected to be accepted without cruel or harsh jokes. Accepted without criticism. I thought that I was my biggest critic but apparently my family is :(. From my parents to my siblings to my aunts and cousins.

My ambitions to want more than what my family want for themselves is what got me where I am today. It is why I am who I am. To the core I will always be the girl from Detroit but I will also be that young woman from Mount Pleasant. The day that people understand this they will get Kayana Ieisha-Marie :).

It's always a treat to have a glimpse of where and who your friends came from. For a few hours or minutes expereince the people who added to their lives. I had a really good time at Abu's parents home.

I love spending time with my 3 buddies back in Detroit. Always an enjoyable exprience. It always takes me back to the days they each stopped being my friend and became family. Gotta love the friends.

I mentally let go of a few people. I look at this as a positive. Everyone isn't meant to be apart of your forever. I understand that. I embrace it. And I take something from it.

Pandora playlist on QuickMix :-)

Wonder Woman by Trey Songz

I'm looking for the person who can accept my wonder woman status for what it is. Not try and change me or mold me to suit their life, personality, and etc. So many times I meet guys or girls and automatically they expect me to change to be perfect for them. I'm close perfection and that's the best I can get. I need a superman or wonder woman who is going to allow me to be me 365 days out the year, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Still looking for that :_)

My Love by Justin Timberlake

I thought about my current interest lol. I can see us doing so much but it all seems temporary. I admire so many of her qualities. There is not another GIRL that could take her spot. Some things are meant to be experienced so I'm going to ride this wave and see where it takes me. I'm sure I will gain something beuatiful no matter how temporary things will or will not be :)


Hombre by M.I.A

I just wanna dance when I hear this song. I wanna take my lover to the club, dance the night away then take them home and make music all night lol. Right now my little cousin is dancing to the song lmao.

Irreplaceable by Beyonce

OMG! I feel like this about people in my life. Not necessarily my exes but my friends. I have really high standards of the people I hold close to me because I hold myself to those standards when dealing with them. I honestly feel like I could find other half-ass people to deal with lol. Don't think you can't get cut...snip snip!

Girl Next Door by Musiq

If I would of known you were that girl that I thought was intriguing then I would have talked to you more. I would made more of an effort to remember your name lol. I would have made a connection sooner. Our conversations would had went further than why I baked every week lol.

Just Like ME by Jamie Foxx

I realize more and more that I'm looking for someone more like me than not. With extreme differences comes extreme conflict and I have realized that I have to deal with that so much on a daily basis with everything else I do that I don't want to have to deal with it unnecessarily in my relationship. My relationship, like my home, should be a place where I can breathe easily and be happy and not have to worry about conflict.

Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill

I'm sure some people would say the lyrics in this song to me sometimes. I don't see why people think it's so hard to love me lol. It's only happened once to my knowledge that someone has loved me easily. Maybe it wasn't easy but he sure made it look really easy. The best 2 yrs of my life thus far. Or maybe it's easy to love me but hard to keep loving me. I like to think of myself as the girl that people fall for easily but once they get to the core of my being they walk away. And I'm left asking "where were you when I needed you?" BTW my G'ma was jammin' when she heard this :)

Rubberband Man by T.I

I remember when this was hott! I believe I was going into my senior yr of high school. This was my ringtone. When people heard it and realized it was coming from my phone they looked surprised lol. I guess they expected I'm Bossy by Kelis to come from my sprint smh fooled ya lol. I'm a diamond in the rough. I'm sweet as pie but I can let my thug shine through when appropriate :). Some people like it and embrace it and others think I should cross my legs, sit up straight and act like a lady!

Chopped 'n' Screwed by T-Pain

I chop n screw people all the time. People try to get on and whether I'm interested or not I give them play as long as they come correct. You never know who could be the one but I soon realize that I should have went with my right mind and just let them be because they were not the one. Last night I was in VIP at Elysium and I was almost knocked over due to the crowd of people coming and going. This nice older man held me my hand and supported me. I kindly smiled, blew him a kiss, thanked him and walked away! He looked disappointed that I didn't stay and let him buy me a drink. Never accept drinks in the club! No thanks.

Golden by Jill Scott

I'm trying this. Everyday I'm going to appreciate that I was blessed enough to wake up, put on my beautiful smile, and sing when people irritate me :) "Living MY life like it's GOLDEN, GOLDEN, GOLDEN. Living MY life like it's GOLDEN! It really matters to ME"

Truth Is by Fantasia

Funny that this song comes on. So I really miss someone from a chapter of my past. I miss when things were simple and all there was to do was have fun and have sex lol. I had a friend when I needed one and I had a man when I needed one. Two Bosses running the city lol. I don't regret letting go but I have days when I wish things were still the same. That feeling that I had everything in just one person. I miss you Mike :)

Pop Bottles by Birdman
I feel like being as wreckless as these lyrics lol. Weezy hella reckless sometimes. I don't give a fuck these days deep down. "I won't take yo girl but I'll sho'll take her tongue from her" lmao! WRECKLESS! I wanna go back to the club! I wanna go with Rhi or Reka (always the life of a party)

Ok I'm done. I might start again later this was fun. I gotta get ready to go tho :) til next time lol

25 Things that IRK my nerves

Things that IRK my nerves

25. when people are overly affectionate in inappropriate places. For instance, in the Carey Residential Restaurant (Rfoc) EVERYDAY I see a couple holding hands or kissing or have hands in the others back pocket! It IS THE FUCKING SCHOOL CAFETERIA, LAY THE HELL OFF! SAVE IT FOR A DATE!

24. when people don't understand me and I have explained something I have already explained in the plainest way possible in an even more plain way! That shit seems to happen to me daily and it drives me up a fucking wall! Most people know I have the worst attitude when I'm irked lol. Geesh people, brighten up and get a fucking clue. Or better yet just open your ears and pay attention! I don't like repeating myself!

23. that professors ramble and take an hour to get to one point! Just get to the damn point, if you want to hear yourself speak record it and play the shit back but give me a fucking break! Thanks, Mgnt.

22. that "heterosexual" individuals say "no homo" as if they have to prove their sexuality. No one thought you were gay until you said "no homo" lmao.

21. that people are self-absorbed. Walking on campus on any given day at any given time is an example of this lol. Get over yourself. You're nothing special in comparison to the people actually making a true contribution to the world. Stop looking in the mirror and realize there is someone waiting in line to use the restroom...

20. when people stop the microwave midway through and don't press end to display the time.

19. having to wait for people. Be where you say you are going to be 10 or 15 minutes before you said you would be there.

18. when people TYPE like THiS oR LiKe THIS OR LIKE thiis misp3llinq words and shit liq3 th3y didn't pay attention in school lmao.

17. part-time friends. Everybody knows some lol. But those same "friends" always expect you to be a full-time friend...smh.

16. that someone can be prosecuted for murder, assualt, robbery and etc without consent of the victum but not in rape or sexual assault cases.

15. people go on dates or to clubs and etc with ashy hands, chapped lips, and bad hygiene in general. I went on a first date and I couldn't believe that he had ashy hands. If your hands are ashy then so is the rest of your body. AND I'm not talking the ash from the cold. I'm talking about the you go out the shower didn't loition your body and then repeatedly washed your hands without loitioning lol.

14. being around drunk people who don't know how to act smh. Know your limits lol. Everybody has their 1 time but your one time shouldn't keep happening lol.

13. when people come to college and become "tough Tone". Thugs don't go to college lol. You are supposed to be grown ass hell why are you starting shit with poeple and trying to fight at parties? And ladies please stop doing little stupid shit like you wanna fight somebody lol because if you wanted to you would have just walked up and starting whooping ass lol grow up smh.

12. when people say that they go through the same thigs as me. No you don't. Some things aren't universal and situations and experiences are 2 of the things that aren't. You don't share my thoughts in that same experience.

11. when people use the last of my things or use my things and don't put them back the way they found them.

10. when people act their shoe size instead of their age.

9. when people don't just talk to me about why they are mad at me.

8. not answering the question that was asked.

7. when people come to my math class and have not attempted the homework or come to class and are just not paying attention and asking questions the professor already explained smh.

6. talking during movies I have never seen. I mean whole conversations lol. Not just comments.

5. when people don't let you merge onto the freeway.

4. when people ask me when or what time I'm going to be somewhere when I have little to no control over when or what time I'll be somewhere.

3. when people are too needy

2. when people have guest and let there animals roam. lol

1. drum roll please................when people judge people in one breath and in the very next one they say they don't judge people. smh

This headache (being single) lol

I long for the day that...


I'm with someone who trust me, loves me without reservations, and at the end of the day will remain by my side or behind me to catch me when I fall (I'm sure to fall)...


I can come home to a home shared with the someone from above or me, myself, & I...


I can't wait to go to work, not because I want or need the pay check but simply because I love my job :)...


I go to my hometown and feel like I am at home and never want to leave...


This will be the day that my desires become my reality

Just the way Life goes...

I have a serious bias, I can't stand people (at the college level) that haven't got the point that they are NOT the only person in the world that matters. I can understand why people feel the way they feel and I often have the ability to consciously take a look and understand how they are thinking. But at the same time I just don't care at the moment.
People are so self-absorbed and in every action they take I can see it. They ponder over things so that they can make the best case possible. I almost feel like I'm in the court of law with people sometimes lol. Always over explaining things. As if I didn't get them the first time. Oh no I got the point I JUST DON'T CARE!



I'm a fairly simple girl, you have a problem talk to me about it when you have it. Don't let things build up so that when you do finally say something to me you're angry. It's not that effective because: 1. I'm not a child so don't keep track of my wrongs to prove your point. This isn't some court case and I am not going to be persecuted for being human, having flaws, and going through something. 2. I recognize when I am wrong when brought to my attention but most times it isn't necessary to bring it to my attention because most times I see it. But in the rare chance that you have to then you should do it in a fashion that is: 1) appropriate 2) asap and 3) just say how you feel don't try and justify your feelings and actions. 3. Acknowledge (in some fashion) that you are not perfect in the situation. You played your role just like I played mine. And what you did or didn't do may or may not have been the most effective way to go about things. This plays into why I feel like people are out for themselves in everything that they do. The lack of ability to be considerate enough to simply think about what YOU, yourself add to the issue is very telling of your agenda in confrontation. To get what you want, which is NOT understanding of the other person but validation of your feelings and getting your way. 4. Please don't throw my life experiences or present situation up in my face to prove your point. What I go through and the dynamics of my situation are NOT the same as the dynamics of what you are experiencing or have experienced. Which goes back to always trying to prove your case! This isn't court it's a conversation. 5. In a conversation, when you start to feel bad or like shit because you see (that I am flawed and human and I make mistakes and you didn't considerate it) don't tell me that you will be there for me or that I can talk to you. Because truthfully if I wanted you to know what was going on with me you would know. And in the same breathe don't judge me and say you aren't going to. Because you will and you just did 2 seconds ago. 6. Don't put me on a pedestal because I'm usually x, y, and z. Did you ever consider that it's hard being x, y, and z? Or did you consider that I am x, y, z because you aren't capable to produce x, y, z in the dynamics of our relationship? I'm black and I'm a woman so did you ever consider that everyone else also puts me on this pedestal due to the fact that I'm x, y, z? I don't think you did and I don't think you can conceive those hypothetical situations because you are self-absorbed, so unaware of those around you and only about validating and justifying whatever you are feeling, saying, and doing. 7. I know I'm intimidating but please miss me with that shit. Don't not criticize or punish me for that. Get over your own insecurities and weaknesses. Those have nothing to do with me or the situation. 8. And don't apologize to me. Apologies are like promises, ways to look deceitful. It's not necessary with me.



The difference between what people are accustomed to receiving from me and what they receive now is that for once I'm being just like you. I'm only concerned about my issue. I'm dealing with my own issues that you could never understand because you are not me. You only have a snap shop. You don't know my ideologies and how I came to have them. You don't experience life the way I do. But the difference between me and the rest of the world is that I am not too self absorbed to understand that the problem is not what I did or what you did. The problem is a difference in how we got to that moment. A difference in thought process. A difference in perspectives. All things aren't universal. Especially situations, circumstances, and feelings. So because of all those things you approach situations the way you do and I approach them the way that I do. That is a difference I acknowledge and take into account in my thinking.I admit that I have not been "myself" but I guess you can call what I am going through a crisis. And the way I am choosing to deal is the way I've dealt for as long as I can remember. So please take that into account if you encounter a problem with me between now and shit I don't know the next 3 months or so.

Thanks,Mgnt.

Thoughts of the week...2/1-2/7

Sunday: What exactly is MY sexual identity and how do I know this is it...how has it changed and how have I changed

Monday: How could this relationship evolve but also last a lifetime?

Tuesday: Fuck, {exasperated sigh} I need more hours in a day {grrr}

Wednesday: Last night was PERFECT...so much purity

Thursday: Drawing a BLANK! Perhaps I should have updated each day after each day lol...told ya, I need more hours in a day :)...I typed the previous statement then went to my reflection on Sunday in depth, then I recalled what it was like for me on Thursday lol. So here it goes: Should I call him? I think I want to. Why tho? Hmmmmm, I'm not going to call.

Friday: I love my friends :)

Saturday: PRODUCTIVITY!

On Sunday I will elaborate more and reflect on each individual day. But every moment happens exactly how it's supposed to happen so the next moment can happen exactly how it's supposed to happen :)

It's now Wednesday of the next week (did that make sense?). Any who, Sunday I went to my MA meeting and the topic was sexual identity. That got me thinking about where I am in life and how I came to arrive at this current moment where I have an interest in a girl. Is it my resentment for my father or the fact that I have never really received what I have given to guys (unconditional love, commitment, and stability) from a guy or is it my surroundings (most of my closets friends/family are gay/lesbian/homosexual or curious/quesioning). I have always grown to like those closest to me, maybe that's it. But then again before I got to know her I was intrigued so again I'm back to how did I arrive at this current moment, where my interest is no longer on the specie I've known since 13 years old. Now these thoughts and events produced my thought on Monday. I feel like my ambitions and hers go in 2 different directions. I did the long distance dating, it was great but it's not something that I want to do again. Flying every few months, juggling two separate lives (one at school and another when you're sharing space), and etc. There are benefits to long distance relationships that in non long distance relationships it may take years to see. I learned to truly love (love without the false sense of security) and to cherish the time spent...Now having spent an entire day on that I couldn't focus on anything so Tuesday I was playing catch up...and that is never fun! Have you ever had a friend that you could talk to them about any and everything and never think about the time, being tired/sleepy, or get bored? Conversation just flows, we never run out of things to talk about. I learned so much about a number of things from an all night (not really but really) conversation with my friend. In that conversation, like most conversations that are relevant, my last relationship came up. Then on Thursday I felt the need to call my ex, something that often happens to me. Usually I would give into the urge because for him, my calling or being "present" in his life gave him a sense of security but I thought to myself, "doesn't that give him a false sense of security?" So I stopped myself before I could call. I didn't want to call him because I missed him and the close friendship we had or because I was worried about him or his health. I wanted to call because I was nervous about my future and wanted a safety net (the love I shared with him to remain as in tact as possible). From all of this I was a little down but Friday I went out with my friends and had a good time, like always. My friends are a rare group of individuals. Sarcastic yet nice jackasses! Very accepting and understanding people. I love them :). They almost always bring my spirits up. The good night I had on Friday spilled over into Saturday and I woke up and got started on homework, cleaning, and finishing up my puzzle. I mingled with some of my residents and even got to take a nap (check me out lol). Then Sunday was here and I recieved a text from my ex, he wanted to let me know that he loved me...ironic how a few days earlier I felt like I should let him know (indirectly) that I still cared and decided not to because I felt like he knows (or at least he should know) that I love him and he let me know (just my interpretation) because I was the one that wasn't given the clear picture of what those two years produced. So, all in all, everything happens for a reason and that reason is so that the next moment/event can happen exactly the way that it is supposed to happen. Every moment is dependent on the previous moments.

Quick Udpate

I finally feel at peace with the change in my relationship with him. We aren't beefed out but we don't talk. I'm very comfortable with that. I realized I never really had time for that relationship to begin with but I made time and sacrificed time for other things and people because I wanted that relationship to work. When I still wanted that but the rules had changed I struggled with finding a comfortable place because things had gone from one extreme to the next. I had a dream about him being happy in another relationship. Surprisingly there was no jealousy, anger, regret, or even sadness. I was happy for him, he had found everything he wanted in a woman. I took a look at the situation, while still in the situation, and examined if I was being a false self or did I genuinely feel happy for him and what I so wanted him to find in me he had found in someone else (Dooley, I understood something from class lol). And I was. Just like that. It took a few months and a dream to put things into perspective for me. But I got it now! Now that my desires have changed so has everything else. One of my closets friends bought me something really awesome for Christmas, and for it to be the only tangible and positive thing I got for Christmas made it even more awesome. I received 2 journals, 2 cards, and 2 pens (really nice writing ones). My favorite of the 2 journals was one that has quotes from very infamous writers and very beautiful words to inspire me to write freely and uninhibited. It's beautiful and it was a very genuine gesture that I so deeply appreciate more than she will ever know :)

Tip Toe

No go on ambiguity but we tip the scale on whether or not to kiss me. Sounds rather confusing. I'm angry because I feel like your playing me, on both sides of the fence I see. Want to stay in control instead of trusting me. Maybe I'm too cocky I'm not trustworthy {???}. Guess we will never know because I'm letting go. Thanks

Signed
TFK

Decesions.Choices.Decesions

She broke things off long before the words ever left her lips/It's over/The words echo in her thoughts/The conversation replays/Over/Over/Over/Her pride is amazing/Jealousy flaring/Instantly, when she hears or reads things the wheels in her head turn and doubt everything/She makes the two years into a high school game he just entertained, only to become an adolescent memory/She digs deep to bury that insecurity/Defense mechanism: hurt him like he hurt she/Bring the same pain, tell him about her New Years Eve/Innocent kiss at midnight while watching a movie/Held hands like nobody was there to see/Let's go back to Thanksgiving week/Kissed all night didn't get any sleep/She holds her tongue, bites her words, swallow deep/Would hate to be the cause of pain so deep/Like the dream he had where under his nose with his friend she creeps/Choices: I choose to be the bigger person and let Karma hurt you like you hurt me.

Beautiful Disaster: everything is finished exactly how it was started

Negative adjectives for my behavior and negative emotions as a reaction to the brutally honest emotion evoked in you. Thousands taking over my eyes, I only see. Jealousy. Sadness. Pride. Sarcasm. Anger. Regret. Etc. Etc. As a result I feel like the biggest asshole. I can only offer you what my abilities allow me to give to any love interest who pursues me. I cried because I thought I was doing the right things. Being honest and open to other possibilities: friendship on fire or a friendship with endless possibilities. I must have made a wrong turn somewhere because now You and I mirror Him and Me: this ambiguous, confusing, one-sided,he wins I always lose-I as Him and You as Me. I give eighty he gives me twenty. Never set out to make you into who I used to be: a girl stuck between a rock and a hard place, keep loving him or leave. The damage is done now I lay here wondering, what comes after an apology???? My pride says "fuck it, let you be". I was vulnerable and u pratically dismissed me. I don't take that shit lightly. You said whatever but IDK what that means {???} My inner me bleeds, negative emotions taking over me: Anger. Disappointment. Vindictiveness makes me want to say spiteful things. I bite my tongue, something foreign to me. Wish you would have handled the situation differently. Took into consideration everything. Not just your ego, your heart, and your pride but other things: Prior conversations, what you know about me. You know more logical, less emotional things. My expectations were high I really expected things to go rather differently. Hate to say it but I was proven right and now we just wait and see: what happens to the beautiful ambiguous thing I like to call a relationship with little boundaries-sounds like a non-relationship to me {???}. Is this the same circle circled with me and my Vegas dream- I say I'm done and in a matter of time I'm back chasing a one-sided dream? Have I become the conartist known as He? I'm being the biggest person, please accept this apology...

Everything I always wanted in a boy:

Sweet as honey with just enough toughness to make getting my way a challenge/willing to spend to satisfy my every need or desire/Giving of time, love, affection & resources/Intense passion & ongoing chemistry/ Power over him with one touch, one kiss, one embrace/A love of travel to offer excitement and first time experiences/Someone who is more driven to build something lifelong with me than the instant gratification of sex with no commitment/He has his own style, doesn't fit in a box/ Makes me laugh and smile/His sole purpose , to make me happy first which in turn pleases himself/He's hard to describe and so is what he provides/Easy to love and hard to let go of/He's apart of me/Irreversible spell on me/One look at us and everyone can see/our perfectly imperfect love-hate/I love him because he loves me more than I love me/Some things I never recieved from a He/More of a reason to be optpmistic about She, who has and gives me all the things I want but never found or recieved in entirety from a He.

Nameless Emotion

No jealousy or envy because she can never be me nor provide for you what I can.
But anytime you're with her I get negative feelings.
Can't describe what you do to me...
Our first kissed shared one day,
The next day you're kissing her to see,
That what you feel is what you're really feeling.
Can't put a face to a name of the emotion that flew through me once you told me.
Maybe it's my trust thing.
I feel like the pot calling the kettle black, considering,
I hold in my heart someone elses keys
And I have my eye on this guy, my Vegas prize.
I'm selfish you know it's a Scorpio/Kayana thing.
I shut down when I hear specific things
So again I think it's my trust thing.

Love, Sex, & ME

Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love:

The intimacy component refers to the close, bonded feelings that exist within loving relationships, the passion component refers to the drives that lead to physical attraction and sexual acts, and the decision/commitment component refers to the decision to love someone and to maintain that love. By combining these 3 components, Sternberg came up with 8 types of loving. These types are listed in the table below, along with a checklist of the 3 components that make up each type.

Nonlove refers to the absence of all three components. Liking occurs when we just have intimacy, such as in friendships. Infatuation occurs when we only have passion, such as in love at first sight. This type appears quickly and disappears almost as fast. Empty love occurs when we only have commitment, and is often the residual love that remains once the other types have faded. Romantic love, on the other hand, is the combination of intimacy and passion. In this way, it involves both liking and physical desire for the other person. Companionate love is a combination of commitment and intimacy, and often occurs in the later stages of a relationship after the passion has faded. Fatuous love is a combination of passion and commitment, therefore lacking intimacy. Finally, consumate love is a combination of all three components. This is our society's ideal type of love, because it involves close friendship, physical urges, and a strong commitment.

My Thoughts:
Pleasing me might seem easy but I'm complicatedly complex, easy to know but hard to understand/Actively seeking unconditional love , like the third type from Sternberg's Triangle Theory of Love/Not the hit and quit it I lust you, I love you but don't trust you type of love/Sexiness comes in all colors, shapes, and beings but I love the brown skin, slim yet muscular physique and intriguing beauty scars that make him or her unique/Energy off the charts, I dig that orgasmic chemistry/X-ray my heart and you find the silhouette of a person, lots of ambiguity/Usually a male is who'd you see, times have changed now who knows who you'd see/All the hype about being placed in a box fuck conformity/Love me or hate me, but respect me and don't label me.