I just wanna be successful

When I say I wanna be successful I mean successful in my current relationship. Success defined by growth as people, learning something new about ourselves as individuals, and a friendship that will last forever whether we are together forever or just for the moment. A relationship full of love, trust, and enjoying each others mind, body and soul.

It's kinda difficult to have all of that when the person you're with is too independent. When they can't open up and trust you with their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Too independent to collaborate with you in decision makings. Independence is an awesome thing. I don't want a partner who is incapable of having some sort of independence nor do I want someone who lacks the ability to depend on me.

Everybody has their hang ups, insecurities, and secrets but why take a half chance at love? Why enter into something with someone and remain guarded?

Very Accurate...

Scorpio woman profile - personality traits & characteristics

Mysterious, passionate and self confident, the Scorpio woman will know all your secrets before you know much, if anything, about her. What she doesn’t learn from you directly she’ll pick up from reading between the lines, and before you know it you’ll realize she’s in control of the relationship, all without seemingly lifting a finger.

Scorpios love emotional intensity in all forms, and have enormous inner strength to handle anything they may find. Good, bad or ugly they savor emotions, and in many ways are the most 'human' of all the zodiac signs for doing so. Highly jealous, intuitive, mysterious, obsessive and compulsive. This is a powerful sign; dark, moody, 'real', and infinitely sexy.

Uninterested in the shallow or superficial, your Scorpio woman will have an immense curiosity, so if you have secrets to hide then you're best off steering well clear, as she loves both keeping and uncovering secrets.

Scorpios are very skilled at relating to others, and as such can be very good friends and emotional healers. It’s a one way mirror however; highly secretive, covert and subtle; she will prefer to not let others see what’s really going on inside herself.
scorpio women

To go off at a slight tangent for a moment, it's interesting to note that the scorpion is unique among the other zodiac animals in many ways aside of the obvious poison/sting. For example, it's capable of killing itself in preference to being killed, is nocturnal, photophobic (a 'sixth sense' used by spiders etc to avoid predators - they pick up on the tiniest changes in light and dark to detect movement before they can see it), they also shed their skin multiple times in a life cycle. All of these have direct parallels with Scorpio behavior and personality.
Scorpio woman as a lover

This is a woman who will expect to give and receive 100%, and have a personal skill set ideally suited to making sure that happens. If you aren’t ready to commit to someone on that level then this sign may be best avoided. On the other hand if you want a sensual lover who wants your body and soul and isn’t afraid of what they may find then these are the ultimate.

Due to this, Scorpios are more likely to have relatively few, but highly intense relationships. She is beyond loyal, and will do anything to protect those she loves. The flip side of this is the near legendary Scorpio vindictiveness; ‘forgive and forget’ doesn’t apply to Scorpios.

Almost inconsistently, your Scorpio woman will want more personal space than many signs do. This is partly due to her private nature, and partly because every experience must be carefully analyzed and the precious emotions absorbed and savored.

Scorpio woman sexuality

You can call Scorpio women many things, but prudish will never be one of them. They exude sexuality, have healthy imaginations and aren’t afraid of experimenting. Scorpio rules sex and death, and like many other aspects of Scorpio compatibility they face both head on. The only possible negative is a potential censoring of feedback, so you may not always know exactly what they like or dislike. As with other areas where Scorpios appear secretive this is partly to keep a 'clean page' upon which to maximize and enjoy their partners emotions.
Scorpio women gift Ideas

You can’t go wrong with either a musky perfume, or sexy lingerie. Jewelry is less likely to impress your Scorpio woman, as she knows she doesn’t need it in the same way that other women do. On behalf of all red blooded males I'd really urge you to stick to the lingerie!

Guess What? It's true

From a post on Thursday, January 15, 2009

Quick Udpate

"I finally feel at peace with the change in my relationship with him. We aren't beefed out but we don't talk. I'm very comfortable with that. I realized I never really had time for that relationship to begin with but I made time and sacrificed time for other things and people because I wanted that relationship to work. When I still wanted that but the rules had changed I struggled with finding a comfortable place because things had gone from one extreme to the next. I had a dream about him being happy in another relationship. Surprisingly there was no jealousy, anger, regret, or even sadness. I was happy for him, he had found everything he wanted in a woman. I took a look at the situation, while still in the situation, and examined if I was being a false self or did I genuinely feel happy for him and what I so wanted him to find in me he had found in someone else (Dooley, I understood something from class lol). And I was. Just like that. It took a few months and a dream to put things into perspective for me."

It's true. He is in fact in a relationship and there was also no "jealousy, anger, regret, or even sadness". We talk a little more often now, I guess the presence of a relationship on both ends evens the playing field. It's good to have moved passed the point of regret and sadness but I will say from time to time I do let my thoughts wonder about what the future does or does not hold.

New Beginnings

School is over! Not surprising tho I feel uber restless. I need to be doing something. I can't just relax and enjoy not having something to do...I need to get over that, QUICKLY! I find myslef being sorta productive. I have created a budget, priced the things that I would like to accumulate over the summer, entered my survey into surveymonkey, and placed my room in as much order as it could possibly have.

On today's agenda: organize graduate schools and narrow my choices, make a calendar schedule for the summer, organize supplies for my door decorations, sketch what I want them to look like, and run a few needed errands :).

I do report that I earned a 3.4 g.p.a this semester. Next semester I'm shooting for all A's and with 18 credit hours we will see if I can pull it off! I'm feeling antsy and the urge to be productive so with this I'm done: This summer I plan to explore who I am and stretch myself to the limit- LIVE, LOVE, TRUST!

It's been a minute...

Sometimes I wish I lived alone. Waking up to only my gorgeous face in the morning. Being able to pee with the bathroom door open. Walking around naked. Being able to get in the bathroom when you are ready, on your own time, and not have to be worried about not having the amount of time you want to get ready. Cleaning up the way you feel it should be done and how often you feel it should be done. It's way less stressful. I'm much happier when things are in their place and I can come and go as I please without interruption. I hate always wondering about what someone else has planned so that it doesn't coincide with what I have going on. This year (school year), has been one of the most stressful ones but you live and you learn. So next year I will be better prepared and my last year here at CMU will hopefully run really smoothly. But if not I guess I will just continue to find things to do outside my room or find other places to hang out.

This summer will be hella interesting though. Living with someone I have feelings for (put whatever title on the relationship you want) lol. Four months of seeing the same face when you wake up and going to sleep to the same breathing pattern (sounds creepy I know) lol. But I look forward to it. A bottle of new experiences for the two of us. I'll shock the world I'm sure lol. Still haven't talked to my mom yet about it but I'm sure she will say what she says about most things I tell her, "You are young and you have to live your life for you. No one can judge your happiness because you have to live with the decisions you make in this world. I love you and if this is what you are choosing to do I will support you and your decision." I'm sure I'll get some this is a phase mumbo jumbo but who really knows what this is for me. Hell I don't even know!

Hopefully this summer will be more productive than the last lol. I want to get all of my MA stuff done (or at least on paper/my laptop), figure out which schools I want to apply to and do the personal statements and applications, request my transcripts in advance so they are free, and figure out who I want to write me recommendation letters and for which schools. I plan to be very busy doing things that will help lessen the stress I have to feel when the fall starts. I want to read some books as well and build up a nice savings account so I can travel over Christmas break and go to Dinah Shore weekend next April! My time is up now, gotta get back to this busy ass life of mine. Hopefully I won't be away for too long but once the semester is over with I will have more time to write.

Cold Turkey

It sucks when you are in the same room as someone or even worse they are sitting next to you and you miss them. I learned in my development of self class that people do what they need to do to protect and maintain their healthy sense of self and I think that is how I can let people go so easily or just stop seeing someone/depriving myself cold turkey. Being close to someone and sharing something with them for an elongated period of time it gets hard to be something different. It's hard hearing about them and other people or them moving on. I have seen people hold on to people, calling their after the break up relationship a friendship, when in reality their holding on to hope that they will one day be back to being in a relationship. I have done that. I have been that "friend". I have been girlfriend number 2 after being girlfriend number 1. That person wants you and you want them but one or both of you are somewhere else straddling the fence. Wanting to move on but too scared to take the chance with someone else or just knowing that you won't settle for what their dishing out. I will admit that it's hard to get to me. It's hard for me to let people in but when I know I want to see where something can go I put my best foot forward and no one can expect me to open up completely overnight. But you can expect some progression :) over time. I don't really know what else to say but I am straddling the fence...somewhere between regret that things ever went as far as they did and sadness that things aren't the way they once were.

Affirmation: I know ME

I realized I know me. I'm selfish. I'm selfish about the people I want and who they spend time with lol. I guess that's why I have to be a priority because I don't like for others to recieve the attention that I recieve. I have a jealous flare when I'm aware of time being spent elsewhere, lol. It's funny because I never worry about someone taking them or anything like that I just don't like the fact that someone is experiencing the person's awesomeness. What can I say I want it all to myself lol. I hope that I one day grow out of these things but it's highly unlikely lol. But you never know, shit happens. People have always told me that I want too much. I want my cake and I want to eat it too :). Tis is true I really want it all but I'm willing to give all I have so I think it's all fair {smile}. You gotta love me tho :) or hate me.