Beautiful Disaster: everything is finished exactly how it was started

Negative adjectives for my behavior and negative emotions as a reaction to the brutally honest emotion evoked in you. Thousands taking over my eyes, I only see. Jealousy. Sadness. Pride. Sarcasm. Anger. Regret. Etc. Etc. As a result I feel like the biggest asshole. I can only offer you what my abilities allow me to give to any love interest who pursues me. I cried because I thought I was doing the right things. Being honest and open to other possibilities: friendship on fire or a friendship with endless possibilities. I must have made a wrong turn somewhere because now You and I mirror Him and Me: this ambiguous, confusing, one-sided,he wins I always lose-I as Him and You as Me. I give eighty he gives me twenty. Never set out to make you into who I used to be: a girl stuck between a rock and a hard place, keep loving him or leave. The damage is done now I lay here wondering, what comes after an apology???? My pride says "fuck it, let you be". I was vulnerable and u pratically dismissed me. I don't take that shit lightly. You said whatever but IDK what that means {???} My inner me bleeds, negative emotions taking over me: Anger. Disappointment. Vindictiveness makes me want to say spiteful things. I bite my tongue, something foreign to me. Wish you would have handled the situation differently. Took into consideration everything. Not just your ego, your heart, and your pride but other things: Prior conversations, what you know about me. You know more logical, less emotional things. My expectations were high I really expected things to go rather differently. Hate to say it but I was proven right and now we just wait and see: what happens to the beautiful ambiguous thing I like to call a relationship with little boundaries-sounds like a non-relationship to me {???}. Is this the same circle circled with me and my Vegas dream- I say I'm done and in a matter of time I'm back chasing a one-sided dream? Have I become the conartist known as He? I'm being the biggest person, please accept this apology...