Spring Break

I had an awesome spring break. For once I wasn't overdue to return home (CMU). I didn't get much sleep but I'm young and I can sleep when I'm old or dead lmao. I hung out with my three closest friends who still live in Detroit, Tony, Reka, & Rhi. I got to meet the parents of one of my more recent close friends. Overall I had an awesome break. I learned a good deal about myself, my family, and my relationships with various people.

I learned that I am more like my family than I actually like to admit. I truly do have it honest from both sides, mom and dad. From my independent nature and pride, my craving for solitude and order, and my mean streak to my loving nature, giving heart, my passion for my beliefs, and my physical make up- I get those things from both my parents. Over the week full of interaction with various memebers of my family I noticed that because we all are a product of our environment we have a similar "hood" mentality. We all won't hesitate to resort to physical violence when pushed and we like to surround ourselves with what we know best...the hood and everything in it. Here's where I get lost and venture into my own path: I went away to a four year University, I want more for myself than a nine to five that I hate or do just because it has great pay, and I choose to keep opening my mind to new things and experiences. I feel like to them being stagnant is acceptable. Being ignorant is valued.

Last summer I took a HEV class and my prof said that when she returns home to visit family she leaves her Ph.D at school. I think that was about the only thing I took from her class. I try to leave my education at school when I return to my hometown. It's hard tho. I don't dumb down and try to fit in but I am not aggressive in having educational conversations about diversity with those around me. It's hard to be criticized by family about the change in my appearance, my speech, accent, and etc. I go to a majority white school and automatically any change that people from back home see is the result of "them white people" that I am surounded by when away at school.

I was with my brother on 2 occassions and he made statements about the way I talk and the way I dress. The first time he made a statement about me "sounding white". I began to explain to him that you can not "talk or sound white". He laughed and stuck to his guns about my accent and enounciation of words. I think that he failed to realize that before I went to college I was not the slang talking, neck rolling, black girl from the hood lol. I have always taken pride in the manner in which I present myself, appearance and speech. The second time he said that I even dressed white and called me an "Uncle Tom". Now being called an "Uncle Tom" is pretty offensive. But I laughed at his ignorance and firmly told him that I wasn't an "Uncle Tom" and the way that I speak and the words I choose not to say are the resort of me being in college for 4 years not the white people that attend the school with me.

On a different day a couple of my friends stated that I rock "white girl" hairstyles. I laughed at this because for one my hair was in one of the most ethnic styles I could think of, a curly afro. Later once I thought about this and the encounters with my brother and I began to feel really sad and disappointed that people attribute my change to other people instead of my own personal self. I expected better. I expected to be accepted without cruel or harsh jokes. Accepted without criticism. I thought that I was my biggest critic but apparently my family is :(. From my parents to my siblings to my aunts and cousins.

My ambitions to want more than what my family want for themselves is what got me where I am today. It is why I am who I am. To the core I will always be the girl from Detroit but I will also be that young woman from Mount Pleasant. The day that people understand this they will get Kayana Ieisha-Marie :).

It's always a treat to have a glimpse of where and who your friends came from. For a few hours or minutes expereince the people who added to their lives. I had a really good time at Abu's parents home.

I love spending time with my 3 buddies back in Detroit. Always an enjoyable exprience. It always takes me back to the days they each stopped being my friend and became family. Gotta love the friends.

I mentally let go of a few people. I look at this as a positive. Everyone isn't meant to be apart of your forever. I understand that. I embrace it. And I take something from it.