Just the way Life goes...

I have a serious bias, I can't stand people (at the college level) that haven't got the point that they are NOT the only person in the world that matters. I can understand why people feel the way they feel and I often have the ability to consciously take a look and understand how they are thinking. But at the same time I just don't care at the moment.
People are so self-absorbed and in every action they take I can see it. They ponder over things so that they can make the best case possible. I almost feel like I'm in the court of law with people sometimes lol. Always over explaining things. As if I didn't get them the first time. Oh no I got the point I JUST DON'T CARE!



I'm a fairly simple girl, you have a problem talk to me about it when you have it. Don't let things build up so that when you do finally say something to me you're angry. It's not that effective because: 1. I'm not a child so don't keep track of my wrongs to prove your point. This isn't some court case and I am not going to be persecuted for being human, having flaws, and going through something. 2. I recognize when I am wrong when brought to my attention but most times it isn't necessary to bring it to my attention because most times I see it. But in the rare chance that you have to then you should do it in a fashion that is: 1) appropriate 2) asap and 3) just say how you feel don't try and justify your feelings and actions. 3. Acknowledge (in some fashion) that you are not perfect in the situation. You played your role just like I played mine. And what you did or didn't do may or may not have been the most effective way to go about things. This plays into why I feel like people are out for themselves in everything that they do. The lack of ability to be considerate enough to simply think about what YOU, yourself add to the issue is very telling of your agenda in confrontation. To get what you want, which is NOT understanding of the other person but validation of your feelings and getting your way. 4. Please don't throw my life experiences or present situation up in my face to prove your point. What I go through and the dynamics of my situation are NOT the same as the dynamics of what you are experiencing or have experienced. Which goes back to always trying to prove your case! This isn't court it's a conversation. 5. In a conversation, when you start to feel bad or like shit because you see (that I am flawed and human and I make mistakes and you didn't considerate it) don't tell me that you will be there for me or that I can talk to you. Because truthfully if I wanted you to know what was going on with me you would know. And in the same breathe don't judge me and say you aren't going to. Because you will and you just did 2 seconds ago. 6. Don't put me on a pedestal because I'm usually x, y, and z. Did you ever consider that it's hard being x, y, and z? Or did you consider that I am x, y, z because you aren't capable to produce x, y, z in the dynamics of our relationship? I'm black and I'm a woman so did you ever consider that everyone else also puts me on this pedestal due to the fact that I'm x, y, z? I don't think you did and I don't think you can conceive those hypothetical situations because you are self-absorbed, so unaware of those around you and only about validating and justifying whatever you are feeling, saying, and doing. 7. I know I'm intimidating but please miss me with that shit. Don't not criticize or punish me for that. Get over your own insecurities and weaknesses. Those have nothing to do with me or the situation. 8. And don't apologize to me. Apologies are like promises, ways to look deceitful. It's not necessary with me.



The difference between what people are accustomed to receiving from me and what they receive now is that for once I'm being just like you. I'm only concerned about my issue. I'm dealing with my own issues that you could never understand because you are not me. You only have a snap shop. You don't know my ideologies and how I came to have them. You don't experience life the way I do. But the difference between me and the rest of the world is that I am not too self absorbed to understand that the problem is not what I did or what you did. The problem is a difference in how we got to that moment. A difference in thought process. A difference in perspectives. All things aren't universal. Especially situations, circumstances, and feelings. So because of all those things you approach situations the way you do and I approach them the way that I do. That is a difference I acknowledge and take into account in my thinking.I admit that I have not been "myself" but I guess you can call what I am going through a crisis. And the way I am choosing to deal is the way I've dealt for as long as I can remember. So please take that into account if you encounter a problem with me between now and shit I don't know the next 3 months or so.

Thanks,Mgnt.